25 August 2010

desperate housewife

You might as well get ready for more posts.  Because guess whose getting NEGLECTED again?  If there's one thing I hate more than jumpy pets or showering home alone or mean people it's stupid grad school.   

Goodbye, sweet Summer of freedom for the Engineer.  Hello, Fall shackles and endless bouts of neglect. 

At least Fall smells and tastes good.  Fresh crisp air, leaves, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves...  Fall baking is the best, and when the Engineer starts ignoring me even more for football-slash-homework during the commercials, you better believe I'll be baking (and trying my best to guilt the ignorer into doing the dishes). 

I've been the center of attention so much all Summer that I almost forgot what the opposite feels like.  You may be thinking that I am unbelievably needy.  But really, what's the point in having a wife if she isn't desperate for your attention? 

Speaking of unpleasant feelings...  Have you seen the new Plain Jane show?  I watched the "Wallflower Jane" episode yesterday -  Wow, was that ever me?!  The longer I watched it the more panicky I started to feel for this girl.  It's seriously a miracle the Engineer and I ever got together because we were both so pathetically shy-ish and awkward-ish.  Oh and the emails...I'll have to tell you about the emails someday.  We communicated 100% email for at least 2 months.  I'm not sure if I can make this a "my" show or not, the anxiety probably wouldn't be healthy.  Better stick to 16 and pregnant.

24 August 2010

my hit of baking

I baked today. 

For the first time since the Engineer went on this silly South Beacher thing. Oh how I missed baking! I got home early from work, went to the grocery store - the slow way, you know, without one's husband - put on my apron, made a little din din, and then dove into my South Beach approved peanut butter cookies (with chocolate chips for good measure). And they sorta sucked, to be honest, but it felt OH SO GOOD to make them. It must be a high to bake...my soul's drug of choice. I seriously feel 5 gazillion times better now.

*Those are cauliflower "taters", by the way...not too shabby, if you can believe it* 

Between work's baby-snowpocalypses and diet restrictions it's been bad lately, my friends, real bad.  I've even started to bargain for what I'll bake when we get pregnant.  Occasionally the Engineer will say "I miss cookie brownie" or "Is pumpkin roll carbs and sugar?" Side note: That's what he always asks..."Is (fill in blank, such as cereal, marshmallows, or donuts) carbs and sugar?" Um yes, homes.  "EVERYTHING is carbs and sugar!!!"  Imagine my grown man getting his undies all bunched up in an actual shocked manner. 

I'll tell you what, since I'm such an amazing wife, how about this... When we get pregnant I'll make a special treat?  And the Engineer picks Pumpkin Roll.  Is anyone surprised...It was on his birthday list last year.  So, that's how we'll celebrate.  (Well at least one stage of celebrating.)  Me getting to bake full fat, full sugar and the Engineer getting to eat full carb, full sugar.  Hopefully God humors such ridiculous goals and gets a blastocyst brewing soon! 

By the way, got the old period.  It came sooo late, which I thought was quite inconsiderate considering the circumstances I'm in here!  Which forced me to order a lifetime supply of ovulation test strips to give the Engineer and I some extra direction.  Will be in touch in a month or so, if you can bear the anticipation...not that we have a choice, friends.

For now, I'll just be thankful for baking.

17 August 2010

the snowpocalypse method

It may be August with sunshine and butterflies, but...

Do you remember the big Snowpocalypse?

First, there was a storm in late December and then again in February.  Everyone put lawn chairs out to save their shoveled out street parking spots.  The whole city shut down...except the hospital and babies.  Unfortunately, babies do not follow the Federal government's closing policy.  So annoying, since apparently I'm the only lactation consultant with 4 wheel drive capabilities and a lovely Engineer, who will bravely escort me to and fro work, for the babies that is. 

Now hospitals are facing the repercussions from all the down time DC couples were experiencing during this late December and February time frame.  Round ONE is now and it's booming!  Round TWO is expected in October, which hardly surprises me.  I must know a dozen people due in October.  You too? 

I understand.  We experienced similar conditions on the 3 days we had at sea on our cruise last June.  As a matter of fact, we figure if baby making doesn't work out in the next few months we'll just take a transatlantic cruise.  And if that doesn't work, then I don't know what will...  I'm forreals here, there are lessons to be learned from the Snowpocalypse method.

So, my friends, I'm left with nothing interesting to talk about from last week, because life is consumed with getting Snowpocalypse 2010 babies to breastfeed!

10 August 2010

pigs and a lack of blastocysts

We stayed with my brother, Alex, for the first night on our visit to Ohio and there was a question as to whether the guest room had a door or not...   STOP READING BROTHER (BUT THIS STORY IS ABOUT YOU, SORTA, SO MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO READ?).  Let's just skip the chase and say that some how making babies came up, all while I was alone with Alex's boyfriend, Mark.  Before I knew it Mark was asking me how does one know when they're ovulating?  EXCELLENT QUESTION, Mark!  You can only imagine the level of my excitement as I was being invited to explain such a precious topic to someone who finds cervix, blastocyst, and fertility window to be of a foreign language (of which, all are currently my favorite words)!

Don't worry, though, I placed a big caution sign up and handed him the 'you're about to enter into dangerous levels of awkward conversation' contract.  He reluctantly gave me his John Hancock and we proceeded into the deep world of female parts and their workings.

About 5 minutes later, Brother and the Engineer walked in and stood in amazement that I had already taken the conversation to the happenings or lack of happenings of my womb in the measly time they left us alone.  (Hey, he asked!)  All the Engineer could say was "Classic."  (He says this when he thinks I'm being ridiculous, but he knows he loves me for it anyway.  It started with "That's a classic Julie" and has since been shorten to "Classic").

I seriously think he's learning to embrace my baby making craziness.  We've having less and less "You have to calm down about all this.  It will happen in time." conversations.  He's even started to bring it up from time to time, "So, babies?..." 

And you should know, my friends, that we not only got 500 negative tests this cycle, but I also didn't get my period.  What does that mean?  Not only am I not pregnant, but my parts apparently seem to not be functioning properly.  I guess the Engineer is right, it's time to take a chill pill, because this might just be a long ride...

CONTINUE READING BROTHER. On a happier note, we went to the Ohio State Fair and saw a PIG RACE.  ...Definitely the next best thing to making a baby...  

Here's what happens to the losing pig (j/k, PETA...)

Speaking of pig on a stick...I never ever knew how many things could be on a stick either fried or dipped in chocolate or both.  The best think on a stick?  Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake dipped in chocolate!  MMmmm.  Also, even better, the 'will guess what your weight or age is' lady thought I was 18! 

Alex was just DYING to get a fair toy, so I took off my wedding rings and gave the guessing lady a run for her money. (My wedding rings age me at least 5 years.  I always got carded until I married the Engineer...Or maybe it's him and not the rings?  Or maybe I'm actually just aging?  Nah, that couldn't be.)

05 August 2010

all by myself...

Don't wanna be all by myself....anymore!

(Don't you feel incredibly sad for me, Engineer?)

This week I've been a bachelorette, while the Engineer is off on business.  I hate being alone.  Trying to fall asleep without the Engineer's snoring, no goodbye and hello "homie hugs", and don't even mention taking showers with no one home.  (I wasn't joking about my showering home alone fear, guys...)  Hopefully I'm able to stay on top of my hygiene this week.

I've totally been a lazy bum, too.  No working out, no dishes, no cooking...just cereal and the couch.  Everything that would drive me crazy about the Engineer - hypocrite, I know.

The Engineer has been calling me every evening before his dinner time and my bed time.  And it's been slightly painful.  First we go through the whole "How are you?"  "How was your day?"  Then we move on to stories from the day.  And then we're left with silence. 

The Engineer and I dated for 3.5 years long distance.  We spent many nights on the phone...me trying to come up with enough things to talk about and tyring to make the Engineer carry his convo-weight - It's like pulling teeth, I promise you. 

So, I came up with a brilliant idea - let's do what we normally do!  What do we normally do on say a Tuesday night?  Watch Office reruns on our red couch.  What's the next best thing?  Me on our red couch and the Engineer on the Hyatt's couch, both on channel TBS. 

Romantic, eh?

We compare to see if the commercials are the same.  I ask him if I should take a pregnancy test even though we both know it's way too soon.  And we do...over the phone.  He needs to be involved, hearing the sound effects of my pee and all.  I'm not going to raise this child alone for pete's sake.  It's negative like all the other way too soon tests.

And I think to myself, how in the heck did we ever do this apart stuff for so long?  And what did we talk about?  And how did I shower?

02 August 2010

my world is crooked

The Engineer and I have different perspectives on life.  His world is in an Excel folder and mine is in a pile on the floor.  Sorry, babe, I keep trying to work on those piles, but I think we both know they aren't going anywhere...

For example, I think money always works itself out.  We tithe, we try to be responsible in our financial decisions and even if things seem tight, money magically takes care of itself.  My feeling is that if we're faithful to God, He, in return, will be faithful to us.  This is a hard pill for the Engineer to swallow, because, you see, this is an Emotional dose, not a Logical one.  The Engineer LOVES Logical.  Logical runs through his veins - it's at least 90% of his composition.  Me, however, only about 40% of Logical runs through my veins. 

He's learning, though.  Recently, he's to the point where he'll barely question my Emotional decisions.  I tell him "it's just the way my life works, and now you're part of that arrangement." 

Oh...don't you worry, his Logical wins from time to time too! 

Our different perspectives in life can be seen in one very tangible way - one of us ALWAYS takes pictures straight and centered and the other ALWAYS turns the camera to capture the moment with a slight head tilt.  That person feels it some how captures the moment more fully and accurately. 

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Can you guess who took which photo?

Oh I know, it's too easy.  Give you something hard...right?  One of us will always be the more complicated one.  The Engineer frequently tells me "You're a ridiculous person."  To which I reply "WHAT kind of thing is that to say to your wife?!"  But really, shouldn't it be 'You're an amazingly complex creature, and pretty too, btw.  Let's make a baby...right now!' ???

And then I'd reply "Fiiiinneeee, if you insist..."