14 September 2014

sunshine and rainbows








I seriously just sit this little man on my knees after every nap and soak in these smiles. Baby Vanilla is the sweetest!







Sister adoring him, too.

I can't wait to watch your happy-go-lucky personality unfold, Baby Vanilla!

03 September 2014

obligatory first day picture






Our little preschooler!

She's too cute to not highlight.

I totally got "parented" today. The teachers of our preschool assured be prior to today that I could stay and help LE transition for as long as needed. Sit outside the door, whatever it took. They held my hand.

Then the first day comes and they shoed me out (in a good way) and reassured me they'd call me, if needed.

They knew what they were doing. They were going to do this all along, to me and the other 9 anxious mamas hovering over their kids, sneaky teachers.

LE cried a little, but mostly was inseparable from her new bestie, Molly.

This is all so much more difficult for me and I now realize why all moms post first day of school pics and dwell on this moment - it's more their moment than the kid's!

Happy first day of preschool, LE. I couldn't be more proud!

01 September 2014

labor day ramblings











These two kept our holiday busy and happy! I'm so grateful for smiles. It feels great to have passed the 6 week mark (a huge feat in baby time, right fellow parents?), finally getting some positive feed back instead of crying baby blobness.

Baby Vanilla is the sweetest little guy. I hate to even talk about the good things going on in fear of jinxing them, so I will just say at the moment he's been giving us some longer stretches of sleep. He sleeps and smiles more than he cries (something I never dreamed possible after my sensitive LE). He even doesn't seem to mind his sister smothering him with her love these days.

I'm still struggling with some PPD, although it has been easier this time around - we get wiser with experience. With Baby Vanilla being easier it was frustrating to have PPD symptoms again, but I'm realizing it's more adjusting to change than the temperament of my babies. It's like the first week of a new job...but it takes weeks, months, maybe years to adjust to this new job. And that's ok. By bestie, and fellow anxiety case, told me "Anxiety is like the waves of the ocean. You can't stop it, you just have to ride the wave out." I'm letting myself be imperfect and feel what I'm feeling for as long as this adjustment takes, because I can't control it. In time, this too shall pass; and I've decided I can simultaneously be anxious about change and sleep and insanely in love with my new addition and grateful for late night cuddles. I'm full of contradictions, extreme highs and lows, and I need lots of tools to help me through this, including medicine at times (I share this, because I know there's a mom out there struggling who needs to hear it's ok to need help.)

I leave you with an interesting post with happy pictures of moms suffering with PPD and my happy picture, anxiety and all.